Too Frozen With Fear to Move With Passion

“This is my temporary home; it’s not where I belong. Windows in rooms that I’m passin’ through. This is just a stop, on the way to where I’m going. I’m not afraid because I know this is my
temporary home.” (Carrie Underwood, “Temporary Home”)
“All I know is I’m not home yet; this is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong” (Building 429, “Where I Belong”)
The struggle with having such an inner mindset of heaven and the what is beyond this life (as a believer), and a big sense that life is not everything you can have on earth, is there are many times where it’s hard to feel stable. It can be hard to find meaning in what I’m doing today or over the course of the next few years. It’s hard to believe my work now or what I do in any given moment can have a lasting impact, specifically with strangers.
I think I can live in the moment very well, and take advantage of once in a lifetime opportunities, so long as it’s not talking to a random stranger. I think I value connection with people so highly that if I’m only going to interact with them once or if the chance of interacting with them a second time is low enough, then I don’t want to bother starting something I don’t have time to finish or that may not go well with them. I want my single interactions with people to be ones they will have good memories of or ones that will not sour their next few moments after I’m gone.
What comes to mind when writing about this are the people who ring up my purchases at the store or the people I ride next to on public transit, and evangelism. I desperately want to reach out to them and see if I can talk to them about Christ, but I never feel I have enough time to do it well, and I don’t want to risk it going badly in under a minute or five. I want what I say and do in that instance, especially if I’m going to indirectly or directly bring Christ into it, to be meaningful and a good experience. So I never try, due to fear and hesitating too long.
And I regret that and feel ashamed of it, because I want to make the best use of my time while I’m here. I want to be obedient to Christ by reaching out to those right in front of me. There are chances put in front of me for me to use and will never happen again, yet I see them, recognize them, and let them slide past anyway, knowing guilt will be the very next thing in front of me. But moments carry with them not only a short expiration date and special opportunity and their own urgency but a paralyzing amount of fear and doubt and inadequacy. I desire but struggle greatly to move through my fear and doubt embrace these opportunities for what they are and use them as I should, as I am guided by the Spirit to do.


2 thoughts on “Too Frozen With Fear to Move With Passion

  1. I love your heart Amanda!! The amazing thing about God is that He can do anything in any limited time we may have. It is hard to know what to do in the short time though but God can guide us through.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Someone a friend of mine knew once said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing halfway.” It wasn’t meant as an excuse to simply be satisfied with half-hearted attempts and shoddy workmanship; rather, sometimes (perhaps more often than we’d like) we find ourselves in situations where we lack the time or resources to give the full effort we’d like or produce the full result we long for: in those situations, where “halfway” is as good as we can get, we still have a duty to do the best we can do. Remember that God’s word does not return to Him void (meaning, it will always produce a result), and that things we view as insignificant often have a much bigger impact that we simply cannot see from our vantage point. Even if you’ve only got one minute, put your best into it, as God guides you, and He will redeem it for Himself in His own fashion. Your job is only to be faithful. “Courage, dear heart.”

    Liked by 1 person

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